Rosemary-Fire-freaked out dog & spiderman

Ok I thought I would have a lovely day to share--I got `it' together by noon crawled out of bed...did homeschooling with the little man--reading-math & then he got excited with a new toy catalog & asked me to draw a picture of something he wanted in the catalog....I told him I rather draw our own version of it and we proceeded to develop a new line of toys..heehe (who knows..he might have his own company) anyway that made me crawl out of bed to the drawing table -he got out colored paper & scissors & we began an adventure thru art...(we will share our new line of toys when they get further developed) I left him in the living room-I only let him watch PBS but the tv was all fuzzy--CABLE out again....I went out the front door & saw the cable guy & his truck down the street-so I can figure that they` took out' the neighborhood) ..heehee as I came back in the house I noticed that my Herb garden needed to be harvested.. Ok I am way behind on my gardening..but we were house hunting & doing all that reloc buisness in Atlanta.. SO I got the shears & began the `harvest' ..heres where something so simple as harvesting Rosemary can go so `very wrong' The herb garden is off the front porch so~~ 1st put on plastic gloves, Rosemary had a sap that smells POWERFUL like evergreens & is sticky & hard to wash off...trust me on this, I have Never remembered to do this before & every thing you touch has a sticky evergreen sap --trust me.. I cut a load & ran thru thr house to the kitchen sink- ( run thru the house, remember my vacume has suffered a terrible `break in its foot') so I run thru so as not to leave any trail...DO I think that I can run soooo fast that no debris can fall in my super sonic speed???? hmmm could this be an actual thought? I load it in the sink...fill it with water to clean any bugs-spiders-leaves or dirt.I have SOO much ROsemary I fill both sinks..then get paper towels & layer them on the over rack & lay out the Rosemary after I rinse it several times. THE PHOTOS are the 1st few racks. I have 4or 5 sink fulls. Thinking this is going good I decide to harvest my sweet marjoriam...I use it in my sleep pillow herb mix. it is a smaller herb so a sink full is ALOT. now I have paper towels layered all over to drain the moisture. I take everthing out of the overn & set it on the counters & floor & turn the overnon to 450..I get it hot-then turn it off -olace the rack back it & let it begin the drying process. OOOHH my dad calls to check on meremember DH is out of town so Dad like sto call every day & chat & see that all is ok. Dad calls in the late afternoon-he likes to chat then...I dont :o) He tells me that the news says it will freeze tonight so `Do I haev the outside hoses off the faucets?' of course I dont...hehee ..I did tell DH to do it B4 he left....HAHAaHAHaa ..we all know how that goes... SO I am taking to dad-he loves to tell me the latest Bush blunder-& tellme the minute total of the war & then breakdown minute by minute and what could be done with all that money instead of it helping to kill our soldiers-he loves it when the news & comedians rip the President apart-Dad thinks he is a `goof & running the country into hell'..He suspects that Bush is the Antichrist. ..heehee thats another story.....so I undo the front faucet~easy enough..then I toodle back thru the house to the back--but it is already getting dark & it is really cold & the hose will not come undone...My hands are freezing & dad says I need a hachet or something.... as I scamper thru the house to the garage I pause at the oven -turning it on to warm my hands (THIS will later be a mistake) I scramble to the garage to look for this device...assuring my dad I can do this. Or he WILL come right over. I get him off the phone assuring him I am on this... as I have to look thru the 450kabillion tool boxes & drawers that my DH has..Can I find what I need of course not..I figure I will take the freakin hammer if need be...I get a wrench thing & by now my hands & feet are freezing..duh shoes-jacket would have been an idea....but I WAS doing herbs quietly in the kitchen until that phone began ringing..maybe its a device from Satan? hmmm The the phone is ringing again & it is DH to chat about his day...The child answers & I can hear the conversation...`mommy is outside complaning about a hammer and the hose' ...I am on the way in after successfully attacking the hose & faucet..MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ! TADA ... when I remember the oven...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD...I open the oven ..when I was talking to dad I beeped it on...I forgot to take out the racks of the oven ( I can get sidetracked & I am not a big phone person plus I am going to be 50 - and I am having my dad talk me thru freezing faucet s & what can hapen-like he does every year) I am sure every year I `think' of it BUT until dad reminds me of cracked faucets...well I digress... as I open the oven door I am greeted by a ~~~POOOOOFFFF~~~of smoke & as I grab the rack to take it out ~~~POOF~~~~FIRE ~FOLLOWED by ~~ FLAMES~~~I try to find cancel on the dam oven so it dosent explode..(as things swirl thru my head I am thinking do we have gas or electric?) - its all push button things & I dont have my glasses on, so I cant really see...I end up turning it higher-not off but i dont know this till later--I grab the rack & take to the sink -as smoke & flames get higer with each step-the oxygen acts as an accelerant I am sure I have fired all the hair on my arms & face ...I wonder if my dress will melt on me??? I am keenly & oddly aware of each thought....(suddenly my entire childhood of living with a father & family of firemen runs thru my brain-ALL THE post fire storiesAll the fire safety --all runnning thru my head at sonic speed-- I think its like file system in my brain looking for the right fire story to `walk me thru what to do'.. O GOD.I hear the child telling daddy that mommy cant talk she is in the fire...oh geezzzzz CAN this get worse? DO I close the oven door or leave it open??? I know that the fire deot in my area is rural & all volunteer & will never make it in time ( remind me to tell about the 1st time I called them-A fire next door not me.but a funny tale) so I KNOW I HAVE NO CHOICE but to do this......I wet a rag and put out the sink & turn to the oven which is in flames...oh GOD I am in really deep here I am thinking..I whomp the flames with the wet rags...and little black things fly thru the air.well big & little black things--geezz its the dam paper towels that I `forgot' to switch..OK herb drying #101-DONT put paper towels in an oven & turn it on. Maybe I should write a book...I reliaze that the black chunks flying thru the air are because THE OVEN IS ON HIGH. ALL TEH SMOKE ALARMS ARE GOING OFF 4 in this art of the house --I opent he back door & kitcen window & run to the front door-- Peanut runs out in terror and he is deaf..The child runs to his room to escape the ringing handing me the phone....I find the cancel button as the child hands me the phone...I tell DH that I will call him back ..and drop the phone. The faucet is running & smoke billows from the sink and the oven sits in smoke with very krispy Rosemary........I sink to the floor & get my bearings..I get my 12in square crochet ruler and begin fanning the smoke alarms as cold air blows thru the house. The smoke alarms dont stop I am too short so I get a bar stool chair & drag trhu the house to stand on & fan the alarms..Do you puch the buttons to make it stop? we have lived in so many different houses I forget...so I hit the buttons & they all stop. I see crossiants on the counter & 2 tomatos~~ For some reason at this moment I think I need to make some turkey bacon ..so I stick it in the microwave and call DH..Now he is used to `things' happening to me in the most unsual ways..and after about hte 1st 20 years he learned to STOP asking `How did this happen?'..with me it just does. I dont remember the call but get him off the line..I have alot to clean up..S-H- -T..I just super cleaned the dang house -top to BOTTOM. ughhhhhh..I make the child dinner & set him up in the living room to watch Clifford & curious George on PBS. Now thehouse is really really cold & I need to close doors & windows. S-H--T the vacume has a broken foot...this mess is like out of a scary movie. after a few hours get things wiped then re polished & the rugs & floor done ..I had a load of dog bed sheets inthe wash I had forgotten about..I finish the Rosemary and have it all almost dryed & forgot the bacon...lucky I dont have another fire BUT 1 SIDE OF THE KICHEN SICKS IS CLOGGED withall the fire debris...I go tot he garage But cant navigate my way thru DH's piles..I call him in Richmons VA to ask where the plunger is...He begins to ask `why' but stopped ---YES after ALMOST 30 years of marriage to me he KNOWS their will be no good nanswer ..well hi is already sleeping in his hotel suite....& has no good clue where the plunger is....so that fuels my temper a tad more..I stomp back in the house & storm around the kitchen to figure something else out--I tromp back tothe garage iiin the freezing cold & tear thru his thigs & FINALLY find teh plunger...WHERE you might ask? in the red wagon....where else would a DH put it? ughhhhhhh..It is now about 10 PM and I am smokey & tired & have not eaten since Sunday..so I take my over done turkey bacom-grey poupon-tomato & crossiant & a diet Dr Pepper into the living room...oh I vacumed on my hands & knees with the snozzle of the vacume..then got thre small hepa out and finished..(The ceiling fans had black flakes of smokey debris on them)
so again I have a super clean house, laundry done..herbs done..house has a `refreshing smell'
pungent Rosemary....I sit down & turn lamp on and it goes blitz-blitz ...and shorts out in a scary way..so I trudge to the garage with the lamp & get a tall torch lamp that I dont like & clean it off at the sink knocking over a spiderman cup with my Dr Pepper....there goes my clean counter-down the front of the dishwasher & al over the floor...CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? I get back on track but I drug in garage gup & have to redo the sink & floor ove there too...Lord my hands are tired & my fngers are in pain from all the polishing & wiping. HAHAHAHA ..HMMMM what is the point of eating now? I guess stress eating is reason enough. The child was playing with legos under the treadle table ( an old treadle sewing machine of my granmothers-we took apart years ago & put a thick table top on -the child loves to play under it )-building a game & creatures in level 4 he says & he finds all the HarryPotter books on a shelf next to the fire place & take them out he comes & sits next to me on the sofa & proceeds to read the books to me as I type. He eats my turkey bacon. So I am hearing read J.K.Rowlings ``fantastic Beasts & where to find them'' a 2 book special she wrote for Scolastic with 20% of all proceeds going to the `Harry's Books fund' to help needy children on the poorest countries in the world. ..to improve & save the lives of children around the world-which means the dollars & galleons you exchange will do magic beyond the powers of any wizard. So what can be better than ending a day like this hearing an 8 yr old boy reclinging next to you on a love set recliner & read you the replica school book harry potter `used' to learn about fantastic beasts & where I can find them?? AHHH life is good.
K